In my experience with affiliate marketing, if I had to pinpoint one crucial skill that has helped me the most, it is knowing how to negotiate. Learning different negotiation tactics has helped me tremendously with succeeding in my role and building strong connections.
My first conscious encounter with negotiation was when I was 15. I came across a book on body language and it didn’t take long till I became obsessed with it. It was an astonishing concept how you can influence others by relying solely on your skills.
As years went by and I kept broadening my knowledge on the topic, I noticed how important good negotiation tactics are not only at work but in everyday life too.
Not Exactly a Negotiation Tactic
An important note to make is that no good negotiation happens without being a decent human first. Yes, you might get what you want by being pushy and rude, but nobody will like to work with you in the long run.
So, focus on going the extra mile when negotiating. If you want something, prepare to give something in return.
For example, you have an objective from your boss to drop the price of a deal by 20%. While trying to achieve that, see what you can give of value too.
By showing that you are not there to take advantage of the other person, but to play even, you build trust and a friendly environment that lasts a lifetime.
The Secret Tactics of a Good Negotiation
Now on to the juicy part!
No good negotiation can happen without having these things in mind:
- Words
- Body
- Preparation
With more and more businesses conducting their communication digitally, it’s our words that create the first impression. Knowing what and how to say things is important for all these reasons:
- catching the other side’s interest
- provoking an answer
- building interest
- building trust
- getting as many things as possible in the clear
- making profitable deals
- reaching our goals
“We are only as good as the information that we receive and this is driven by asking the right type of questions.”
Tim Castle
Let’s not forget about our real persona though! There comes a time when we will have to negotiate in person, be it for our business, or to achieve our personal life goals. Such may include applying for a job, buying a house, or simply haggling a price down.
Our posture and demeanour can make or break the whole relationship, so it’s essential to work on how we present ourselves. It makes a world of difference whether we come across as friendly and confident or rude and pretentious.
What if you lack the natural talent to work with words and body language yet?
No worries, preparation in the initial stages of your negotiation game will be your best friend in building that initial confidence.
Words
Let’s start with words.
While they are crucial for a good negotiation and can help you a lot in a written conversation or online, when meeting in real life, use them sparingly and adjust to your speaking style. Otherwise, you may come across as disingenuous and manipulative.
Chris Voss, a famous hostage negotiator shares these valuable tips in his book “Never Split the Difference”. After each point, I’ll share some phrases that I have used repeatedly and that have served me well throughout all my communications.
- Don’t shy away from using No-oriented questions to start or reinitiate contact. This way, you give the feeling of control to the other side.
“Is now a bad time to chat?”
“Have you given up on working together?“
- Try to form statements that provoke the answer „That‘s right“. Those will make the other person feel like you understand them.
„It seems that you feel like this might be moving too fast.“
- Use calibrated, or open-ended questions about the problem to reveal the other side’s thinking:
„What can we do to drop down the price?“
“Open questions start with What, Why, When, Where and How, and their purpose is to uncover information. Closed questions begin with Can, Do, Are and Is, and their purpose is to confirm information.”
Tim Castle
- Proceed with more No-oriented questions where needed to remove unspoken barriers.
“Are you saying I misled you?”
“Are you saying I didn’t do as you asked?” - Summarizing the essence of their answers (if extreme) so they reconsider:
“It seems like you feel I wasn’t being fair.” - Use calibrated questions when presented with an unfair deal.
“How am I supposed to accept that?” - Labelling them like the person they aspire to be can make them act like it.
“You seem like the type of person who likes to set profitable deals for both sides.” - Proceed with silence when you are unhappy with what the other side offers.
Body
Body language is such an immense topic that it would be impossible to include everything in a single article.
Here are some of the essentials which I think everybody can benefit from:
- Exude confidence with a good posture.
Did you know people make up their minds about you within the first 7 seconds of meeting you?
A good way to show you’re to be taken seriously is by walking confidently and taking up enough space.
In his book 12 Rules of Life, Jordan Peterson devotes a whole chapter to having a good posture.
“Stand up straight with your shoulders back.”
In it, the Canadian professor and a famous public figure states that our demeanour has a direct correlation with how people will treat us.
“If you present yourself as defeated, then people will react to you as if you are losing. If you start to straighten up, then people will lok at and treat you differently.”
Jordan Peterson
- Smile but don’t overdo it
By now we all know how important being friendly is. In her book How to Talk to Anyone Leil Lowndes makes an interesting observation though. She notes it’s important to make the other person feel that they somehow earned your smile and friendliness.
That means not just jumping into every situation and every person smiling from head to toe, but having a more grounded demeanour.
There is a fine line between giving off a friendly or a superficial vibe. Being a professional and someone who knows their game is exuding warmness, while still being assertive when needed.
Don’t just be a clown and smile all the time, but also don’t look like a snobbish or rude person. Use smiling as a secret sauce to bring life to the conversation. - Handshake like a pro
Part of the first impression you make is how you greet a person. Handshaking is especially important when you meet someone for the first time.
With the way you shake hands, you can make the other feel one of these: awkward, confused, dominated, dominating, or like an equal party. We aim at the last option.
To do that, give your right hand straight forward, and shake firmly.
Don’t try to put the other person’s hand down, as this might signal that you feel superior to them. On the contrary, don’t let them do that to you, as they might feel more in power.
Don’t leave your hand like a dead fish, as this shows absolutely 0 interest or effort from your side. Women are especially bad at this, as they tend to not use enough strength.
Lastly, aim to shake up and down, and not side to side, as this will leave the other person confused. - Keep a respectable distance
This is especially true when meeting someone for the first time. A simple handshake is a much better starter than a hug or overwhelming body contact.
When used correctly, hugging for example can be a great way to build more closeness. It can also have a negative effect though. So spend some time getting to know each other and feel how comfortable they are around you.
Another thing to keep in mind is the multicultural differences across the globe. While for Japanese or Koreans, it would be highly inappropriate to approach them with intense body contact, for South Americans that might not be the case.
- Be open
Did you know that the oh-so-important handshake started as a way to show the other person we were not carrying any weapons?
While life has drastically changed with modernisation, we are still primitive in our unconsciousness without realising it.
What we need to feel safe and predisposed is being in the presence of someone who signals openness with their body. That includes showing the palms, having their hands outside of their pockets, open legs and hands, instead of having them crossed over the body.
Mastering this style of posture has a great positive effect, as it signals friendliness, harmlessness and a general optimistic attitude.
Preparation
Let’s be real. None of us can expect to read an article, apply everything right away and get immediate results.
All skills need to be repeated many times before they become a natural part of you as a person. So what do we do in the meantime?
As a beginner, what’s most important is taking the time to prepare before the chat, before the meeting, before the call, and before the interview.
Do your research and due diligence.
That can mean a lot of things, based on your particular situation, but keep these in mind and adjust where needed.
- Get to know the person you’re meeting with and the company they’re representing.
- Get good at what you’re doing.
- Learn all about the new changes and updates in your industry.
- Educate yourself on the average salary/deal for which you’re negotiating.
Competence builds confidence, and being prepared will help you keep your cool in stressful situations, which all negotiations are.
Conclusion
Knowing how to negotiate is a vital part of being successful in your job, and everyday life too.
The key to it all is to build strong connections that remain for a lifetime. Those need to be based on mutual respect and shared interests.
To get there, it’s helpful to learn some negotiation tactics like choosing the right words to convince people, beneficially using your body, and being always well-prepared.
